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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Not-So-Fun Side of Dating

Don't let the title of this post be completely deceiving.  Dating can be fun.  Sometimes it is an absolute blast.  But, in my case, when you're a single mom, sometimes it feels like more work than anything.  Even though I had a good time last weekend with V, there were some things that came up.  Things that made me realize just how different we are.  Things that made me see we do not have long-term potential, or even short-term potential, for that matter.

While my marriage didn't work out, I still believe in it.  I still believe that it can be a good, honest, beautiful thing when it is with the right person.  I also know that I want more children (or at least one more child) if everything falls into place and I meet someone while that is still possible.  Unfortunately though, V does not believe in either of these things.  Meaning, marriage or children.  We got into a rather uncomfortable and challenging debate on the subject, as a matter of fact.  While I like a friendly debate as much as the next person, the topic of marriage and children is something that hits close to home for me.  It wasn't as if we were bantering about politics or the weather or sports teams, we were talking about things that are my heart and soul and are part of my core belief system. 

The conversation rubbed me the wrong way, for certain, but more than anything, it opened my eyes to the completely different wavelengths that V and I are on.  Someone who doesn't ever want to get married and isn't sure if he ever wants children?  Please, I beg you, go no further, you are obviously NOT the right person for me. 

Now comes the "not fun" part of dating.  The break-up, or the brush off, however way you want to look at it.  While I've had plenty of experience with this, it seems like it never gets easier to say something you know is going to hurt someone else.  V was also going to be my date to my friend's wedding, so I must also make it clear that door is closed as well.  I have a feeling the conversation will be slightly awkard, at best, and downright uncomfortable at worst, but that doesn't change the fact that it needs to happen.  I always say things like this are best done as quickly as possible.  There's no point in getting into a long, drawn out conversation when the end result will be the same. 

Wish me luck, and if anyone has any words of wisdom for how to cushion the blow with this, or even similar experiences, please share.  I'd love to know that I'm not alone when it comes to experiencing this very unpleasant side of dating. 

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